Dear Diary, 

                     Hello it's been awhile. A lot has happen. I can't believe it... I'm 18! Another two years and i'm no longer a teenager. It's really scary. Soon i'll be an adult with a job and responsibilities.... I want to be 18 forever!

                      Time flies so fast. A blink of an eye and it's been five years. It feels like just yesterday that i was sec one and starting my teenage life, and now, i'm leaving it.
  
                     Also, i've been developing new feelings about Singapore. I used to think i would make Singapore my home, and live here. But, Singapore is fast becoming an international country. In trains, buses, any form of public transport, and i see more foreigners then i see locals. What is becoming of my homeland?

                     Lately i've been having this peculiar feeling. A aching all-consuming lonliness. I guess, i now know what it's like to be lovesick. It's been like that since before Christmas. I just want someone i can like...or love? It's also not in a sick, sexual perverted way. It's a little like companionship. It's too bad that my standards in girls are pretty homogenous, as in i only like one kinda girl. I never know, i may just meet the girl of my dreams on the bus or train.

                     Well, Valentines day has passed and my feelings about the day hasn't change in the last three years. I guess the day is taboo, huh? Sometimes i ask God, why me? Why do i have to one of the few who have to experience such a heartbreaking feeling? No-one should have to feel this way. It's only like that in the freaking movies or some stupid Korean soap, damnit! Maybe that's why i have a secret fetish for Korean soaps. They tell me that i'm not the only one experiencing this shit. It really messed up my entire teenage dating life. 
        
                   Wait, i sound really stupid. It's been years. You'd think i should get a life and stop moping over spilt milk. Easier said than done. 

                                                                                                                                                       

                                                                                                                                               

                       

Hello there Journal, 


                                It's been a while, i guess. I'm quite happy now, because i broke a record. I managed to study for 2hrs and 20 mins WITHOUT INTERRUPTION! Now, that took Herculean effort.  I'm so proud of myself =)
                              But i am pissed too. Because Man u lost to Liverpool. Damn it. And we score the first goal too! 
                              Anyway, there was this show, on TV that had watched before. It was called, "Tears of the Sun", about a coup in Nigeria and ethnic and religous cleansing, and how the Americans pulled out of Nigeria and evacuated all their own people. It was really sad, even more so because i was watching it the second time. And there was this scene that struck me. There was this priest in a Catholic mission that had resigned himself to death by refusing to abandon the Catholic mission and the people in his care. Just as the US soldiers were about to pull out without him, he told the Lieutenant (Bruce Willis), "May god be with you." Then Bruce willis answered back, "God? God has already left Africa."
                               That hit me real hard, and i thought perhaps that was the case. because God wouldn't allow the deaths of so many innocents at the hands of people who aren't fit to be called human beings.
                              Yeah anyways, back to other happier, more interesting things, i went to get a book from my friend today. then i was like cycling damn fast down the hill. I like to do these kinda things, but this time, MY FREAKIN BRAKES WERE FAULTY. then i was like, shiiiiiiiitfuckkkkkkcrappppcakkess and i swerved my bike so freaking low that i swear i felt the road on my knees. I was like, phew! but then i almost crashed into my neighbour. My really FINE neighbour. Miss housenumber112-120( i dunno which one i think around there) who was walking her dog. Crap. Great way to greet your hot neighbour by crashing into her and flattening her dog. I think i looked to her like a mad scientist, with my freaky blue specs and hair all standing up. It's not my fault i just woke up!
                               Anyways i apologised profusely to Misshousenumber112-120( I dunno which one i think around there). Damn, if i looked better i would have asked her there and then for her number. LOOKS LIKE I'M A HUM JI SPIDER.

cheers
PS i wanted to write about remy but we ran outta time.

Dear Diary, 
                 Today was a very emotional day for me. I didn't mean to get all emotional and stuff. I just got wound up about the chinese lesson in the morning, and also that song.  It's "that's when i love you" by Ashlyn. I just realized it was on my phone, my friend Ivan sent it to me. Heck, when i listened to it, i was like, "oh my god it sounds so much like what i thought and said to her, and what she sometimes say about me..." 
                     As i listened to the song more, i thought about her, 11198.61km away from me in Dublin, and suddenly really really felt those feelings i felt 3 years, 27 weeks and 1 day ago.  When she told me she was leaving. Then came chinese lesson, and i had to write a compo on seperation, the permanent kind. I was almost bursting to write it down, release the pent up emotions, but unfortunately i have a limited chinese vocabulary and so now here i am, "penning"( can you even use it for typing?)  down all the feeling i have in ENGLISH. I don't think i really got over that one even though i did date again...  
              Shit, i'm sick of acting. I'm tired of being who i am not. In regards to girls. To others, i am like, some fickle guy who keeps staring at girls legs. but actually, i'm a one girl guy, who won't just go for a girl because she has hot legs. I won't ever forget someone that i like. Shit i don't even know why i'm admitting all this on a public webpage. But i have to type it down. I've known from experience that keeping a paper diary is a pain.  Well, i think that song is really beautiful, here are the lyrics.

When you have to look away
When you dont have much to say
Thats when I love you
I love you, just that way
To hear you stumble when you speak
Or see you walk with two left feet
Thats when I love you
I love you, endlessly
And when your mad cuz you lost a game
Forget Im waiting in the rain
Baby i love you,
I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
WhenI love you no matter what
So when you turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie it made you cry
Thats when I love you
I love you a little more each time
And when you cant quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
Thats when I love you
I love you, more than youll know
And when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that you get when you show up late
Baby I love you, I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
Thats when I love you
When nothing baby
Nothing you do could change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
No matter what

Yeah, beautiful huh? it's up there with my other favourite love songs, "When you say nothing at all", "I love the way you love me", and "I'll take the tears".
Cheers, enough emotion for one night.

 Hullo,
                I am never drinking again. Seriously. Tomorrow, or shold i say today, when i wake up, u'm going to have one bitch of a headache.
                I don't feel like sleeping, so i decided to write abt today, or yesterday. Okay yesterday, since its 1. It WAS A GREAT DAY TO SLEEP. Raining the whole afternoon. I wanted to go and study, so i called germaine to study with me. Then we both ended up sleeping in mac on my big and comfortable bag. If i wanted to sleep i would have went home. I even drooled all over germaine's ponytail, hahahaha. 
           So after studying i got caught in the stupid rain. And now i'm feeling bad. And i felt like some beer, so i had some drinks with eric. now i'm here typing this stupid, boring post.
             
cheers.

Dear Handsome reflection, 

                               I've been thinking alot. That i have to concentrate on my studies and forget about everything else. I gotta forget about this girl. She makes me feel like a loser. And makes me feel sad. Sometimes little things make me happy, but those are rare and few in between. I can forget her. I did it before. 
                                And i hate being single. I don't wanna be single anymore. And i remember my ex-classmate mentioning something about free hugs day. I need one! 
                                 Anyways it's 10 weeks to the promos. God i hate being in JC. i should have went to poly. Hopefully my future wife would appear in front of me and smile.


Cheers.

Dear delicious pie,

                                      I swear. Do all old men buy the same trousers and the same belt? Today i made it a point to check out all the belts that old men wore. They were all the fricking same! Even my chinese teacher wore the same belt! I bet they have a "league of old men" where they come together to discuss molestation tactics on the bus and the ever-changing old-men-belt trends. 

                                      Y'know i think there's something wrong with me. I sleep more than everyone but i still feel sleepy! Maybe i have diabetes. Or leukemia. Or maybe i'm just lazy. Ha-ha i think it's the last one. I'm still counting down to the PTM. My dear delicious pie , promise me that you'll be there at my wake, ok? I wonder what the priest will say over my grave. Like, "Mark was a faggot. He had no balls and all he ever did was sleep everyday. He was a waste of resources." And then everyone will discover that my mum wrote the script for the priest. Then in dashes my dad, back from Jakarta. He will be like, "Where's that punk? Then he'll dig me out and start torturing my corspe.  
                                        
                                  I hate the school PE shorts. It makes my ass look fat. why can't it be nicer? I might just consider altering them, but who the hell alters PE shorts? And i can't stand it anymore. Wearing baggy pants. I feel like an Ivan-wannabe Low self esteem and dragging my feet around. Then in the streets people stare at me and say, "What a loser." I feel like i'm in sec 3 and i just started wearing long pants. Basket of flowers la. 

                          Okay i actually wanted to write about remy, but we ran outta time. Perhaps next time? , Ok, i'm going to eat my apple pie now.

Cheers
                                  

Hey there my imaginary friend,


I told my parents my results.Okay, maybe i left out a few minor details, like how badly i failed. But, it's all the same anyways. My dad didn't say a thing. Luckily we just reached the MRT station so that i could chabot.

My blind date was pretty okay i guess. She was quite pretty, and was really fair, like me. Ha-ha. Not the pretty part, the fair part. We talked a lot, laughed a lot, she held my hand, and it was kinda nice and fun. But i didn't feel a thing. It's like, we're just good friends, catching up. Okay, maybe you don't hold your best friends hand, only girls do that. There wasn't any infatuation or anything like that. I don't know why. Oh, and she's a lead guitarist, so maybe we can form a band now that i no longer have one.

I didn't feel the need to call her or text her after the date. I didn't feel the need to just say good night just so to tell her that i'm thinking of her before i sleep. I don't feel the need to want to talk to her everyday. I don't feel the need to see her everyday. In a nutshell, i don't feel anything for her accept that of a friends. 

I still can't find the state of mind to study, because the way i'm going i will still be in 1t03 next year, or in poly. I want neither, so God, please help me study. I really need it. I've been a good boy. I haven't raped anyone, i haven't murdered anyone, i haven't taken drugs, I don't sleep around, i don't smoke, so please, help me.

I'm really tired. My sister was baking shit the whole night and i couldn't sleep because she was playing cheesy old boyzone songs. I'm going to sleep.

Cheers.

I am so tired

And so dead.


I got 4 of a kind for my mid years. 4 Us. My old man's gonna kill me. My mum's gonna murder me and he's gonna dig up my corspe and toture it. 

So, i need a freaking math tutor. And econs. and history. and lit. Ok, maybe not history and lit. I think i'm sure that i'm not thaaaat dumb.I can study those on my own.

Anyway, my pal got me a blind date. I hope it goes well. I mean, it's kinda fun, isn't it? But if she turns out to be like ugly betty i'm gonna fly. I don't really believe in inner beauty. I mean, there has to be physical attraction first before someone likes you for who you are, right? At least it's like that for me. Deep down, everyone is shallow. Haha. Ironic.

It is true that the only way to totally get over somebody is in the arms of someone else. That's what i'm gonna do! And no, i won't take it literally and go around groping girls. 

And i just realized it's 8 weeks till promos. I don't wanna retain. Damn paiseh. So i'm gonna start studying for an exam that's two months away. That's cool.

Anyway, gotta go now. Needa meet Adrian, that faggot, for dinner. 

Cheers